What is wrong with playing pretend?
We do it as adults; we just call it something else.
We hear it a million times as parents: ‘When are they going to grow up?’ What we are really asking ourselves is, ‘When will they stop dreaming and pretend that what they want or wish was happening is actually happening?’ But don’t we, as adults, never stop fantasizing or playing pretend? Do we rename it ‘daydreaming’ and convince ourselves that it’s a serious exercise in goal-setting?
Just consider: when children had invisible friends – did they talk to them, you know, as if they were real? How hysterical we were to this kind of magical thinking – perhaps even panicky that there might be more to it, far beyond the limits of mere pre-youth. But who are we to say when we move beyond the invisible, what’s really moving there, and why? Isn’t this what we’ve been trained for in our culture, girls and boys, straight-sided immigrants and those born here – isn’t it what we are? Who else are we pretending to be, after all?
Yes, in time, pragmatism wins out over fantasies: personal situations and obligations assert themselves, and the temptation to replace the practical world with the imagined gives way to the hard work of reality. But at what cost? Do we have to lose our capacity to dream, step outside the here and now, and see the world differently?
But adults, in fact, do a great deal of make-believe themselves – reading novels, watching television and movies, even just daydreaming. We might no longer have imaginary friends, but much of our make-believe is in the stories we read and watch. Though more unrestricted and definitely more ritualized, our playtime is segregated into ‘play hours’ and delineated to playrooms or playgrounds – that is, sequestered, set apart – might be a hobby or even just a recreation, not a part of reality.
Therefore, are most children truly ‘over’ playing pretend by age five? It’s unlikely. The old engine driving that imagination energy might be redirected into different kinds of play as they get older, but they’ll still be firing it up, just in their own way. As adults, we can have the same permission to dream, create, and play make-believe, always on our own terms. You never stop being a kid once that switch that turns it on flips back on.
And hey, who says things aren’t always a little better with some make-believe?
That being said, remember there is a child in all of us, and playing pretend never hurt anyone. See the magic in the world, believe in fairies, and keep Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy alive!! And Don't forget to dream!
